It’s Thanksgiving! Which, of course, means a flood of earnest guidelines for the conversation around the extended-family dinner table during a divided political era. While Barack Obama advocates listening and highlighting common humanity this year, and while those on both the right and the left prepare battle strategies, I humbly offer a great American tradition: avoidance.
In that spirit, here are 30 safe topics of discussion for this year’s Thanksgiving family dinner. Keep this tab open on your phone under the tablecloth for quick reference in a pinch—and whatever you do, don’t say “OK Boomer” after the family prayer.
1. Baby Yoda
2. Weird ’70s and ’80s movies from the vault on Disney+
3. The awfulness of Game of Thrones‘ final season
4. This teacher dancing on a classroom desk to Lizzo
5. If Chuck E. Cheese will ever bring back the animatronic band
6. What kind of cheese everyone enjoys
7. Pets and the cute things they’ve done lately
8. If you should landscape your yard differently or not
9. If the “Baby Warriors” can win without Steph Curry
10. Dolly Parton’s husband
11. Dolly Parton’s America
12. Coffee, and the particulars of which brands and styles everyone likes
13. Traffic/road conditions
14. Minor health problems
15. The guy with the Final Jeopardy answer “We Love You, Alex”
16. VSCO Girls
17. How to prepare Thanksgiving leftovers
18. What any present school-age children are studying in school
19. If anyone still puts up wallpaper in their house
20. The Nationals winning the World Series
21. The 49ers’ 10-1 season
22. The seemingly universal disdain for Joe Buck
23. Funny things you’ve seen on TikTok
24. An explanation of what TikTok is
25. Any cute kid anyone saw doing anything on Ellen
26. The food you’re currently eating
27. Apple vs. pumpkin pie
28. The guy from Blink-182 serving as a UFO specialist for the U.S. Army
29. Family members who aren’t there
30. The dog that learned to talk
