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The Ontology of Love

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When Richard Friedlander married, it changed him. Here’s how.

Shortly after my marriage, one of the celebrants approached me and asked, “Do you feel ontologically different?”

I thought for a second, then replied with a smile and a weak, “Yes.” Then I looked up what ontology meant. Briefly, it is the philosophical study of being. Not much of a help. But I took the question to mean, “Has anything happened to you, through your being bound to this person, to change the way you perceive your existence?” And, remarkably, I believed it had. For the first time in my life, I was putting someone else’s welfare ahead of my own. Not because I was trapped, but by my own volition.

I’m not perfect, but most of the time, I do very much put her welfare ahead of my own and I am happy when I do so. When I’m food shopping, I buy things I know she will like. When I criticize her for being who she is, I immediately apologize. Can this happen outside marriage? Maybe. But it never really had happened to me.

Menachem Mendel of Kotzk, a Hasidic rebbe, said, “If I am I because I am I, and you are you because you are you, then I am I and you are you. But if I am I because you are you and you are you because I am I, then I am not I and you are not you!” Sure he did. My loving my wife does not depend on her loving me. No one is twisting my arm or my conscience.

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Neither is this unromantic. Feeling ontologically different in this way can be a tremendous aphrodisiac. Many romances probably fall apart when the primary concern becomes what I am getting rather than what I give. The only one you can change is yourself. I love my wife, but she is another human being and like all others, a complicated one. I can’t possibly understand her, but I do try to accept her. Had I married someone else, our issues might have been different, but my role would still be the same.

If you don’t love, how can you experience love from another?

With a Perspective, I’m Richard Friedlander.

Richard Friedlander is an East Bay author, actor and mediator.

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