Ken Martin: Symptoms

Facing a difficult diagnosis can take someone on a journey of emotions and thoughts. Ken Martin tells us his Perspective.

Two humiliating falls, difficulty walking a straight line—I thought these were signs of normal aging. At 83 I still worked with a handful of therapy clients and climbed the 107 steps outside the house four times a week. But now I was proud of my climbs instead of taking them for granted.

The doctor hooked me up with a young home care team, teaching me an optimal way of being old, all courtesy of Medicare. My caregivers each carefully mentioned a diagnosis I might hear from the neurologist.

“The thing the actor Michael J. Fox has,” I said when I heard the diagnosis confirmed. Parkinson’s.

For control freaks like me, an unfortunate feature of Parkinson’s is its unpredictability, though I feel a bizarre satisfaction that I’ve joined a club as I tick off my symptoms. Unsteady gait. Check. Balance problems. Check.

Another unfortunate aspect of Parkinson’s is that we’re still waiting for a cure.

But for most of us the symptoms are eminently treatable. Three times daily I take a low-cost pill to replace the neurotransmitter whose absence is associated with the disease. I noticed symptom improvement in a day or two, and I’m immersing myself in the recommended life changes. Exercise, group, meditation.

How do I feel? To tell the truth, sometimes I have no idea how I feel. Sometimes I feel I’m learning patience and acceptance. Sometimes I’m optimistic. Sometimes my mood is dark. I’ve crossed into a new country with new concerns and new fellow travelers.

It’s early days. It’s past imperfect. It’s future uncertain.

With a Perspective, I’m Ken Martin.

Ken Martin is a San Francisco therapist and writer.