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Keith Lam: Zero-Sum Game

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The skills and lessons we learn from our academics and extra-curriculars can have many real-world applications. But Keith Lam tells us about one takeaway he says needs reconsideration.

Too many of us view the world as a zero-sum game. There are winners and there are losers. We see this in politics, business, academics, and especially sports.

Being an immigrant, there was pressure on me to meet the success criteria my parents set; high grades, top college, and good money-making profession. All academics, no sports, no band, no choir, no fun. There was only one way to win in life and that was it. I tried following that path, moving and switching jobs to make more money, but it did not feel like success to me. I thought, there must be another way to win in life. I switched careers from Engineering to Marketing and rekindled my passion for writing and being creative. I found another way to win and achieve happiness.

My son plays youth basketball and he has been in teams with coaches that push these kids to win at all costs. They could have played their best game–but lost–and they would be berated about losing. They are told you can either be a winner or a loser, nothing else.

Luckily, not all coaches and teams are like this and thankfully we have found some wonderful coaches that don’t adhere to this win at all cost mentality. They are excited at a loss when the team played well together and trusted each other. These coaches teach that personal involvement makes you a winner, so there are many winners, not just one.

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Both my sons are also in Scouting America, (formerly Boy Scouts of America) where there is less of that mindset. Everyone can reach the Eagle rank with hard work but that is not the goal of Scouting. For the vast majority of Scouts, they don’t achieve the Eagle rank but they have achieved so much success by failing and trying again. There are never any losers, because each Scout chooses their own path, goals and timing.

As these kids grow up, I hope they see life more like a Scout. I hope our youth see that if they don’t get into the Ivy League college, there are many others just as good. If they don’t get that one job, there are many others that may be a better fit. If they play sports, the fun and friends are the real goal of sports, not a trophy. And I hope they learn that in life, achieving happiness is not a zero-sum game.

With a Perspective, I’m Keith Lam.

Keith Lam is a marketing consultant for startups and a proud father of two Boy Scouts. He lives in Pleasanton.

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