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Cathy Gabor: Lost and Alone

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Even if your experiences aren’t the same, finding ways to connect with others can grow your empathy. Cathy Gabor has this Perspective.

For years now we’ve heard stories on public radio about war-torn regions of the world, where innocent civilians have been forced to live in refugee camps or have fled their beloved homelands for foreign host countries. When I listened to such stories, I was intellectually distressed but I could not relate emotionally – until recently.

I accompanied my partner on his work trip to Mumbai. It was my first time in India. One night, we arranged to meet on the outskirts of the city, at a local mall. The only Uber that responded to my call was a “cash only” uber. I had enough in my wallet, but not much more.

I got in the car and tried to initiate a conversation with the Uber driver. We soon discovered that he spoke virtually no English, and I, no Hindi. Instead of chatting, I turned my attention to my phone to ask my partner where we should meet up. Every message I sent resulted in the dreaded words “not delivered.”

Then, the driver decided to take a short cut on a rural two-lane road: partially paved, abutted by dense thickets of trees and full of pedestrians darting throughout the slow-moving traffic. With so many potholes and dirt divots, I was pretty sure that the car’s axel would break and that I would be stranded on the side of the road, not speaking the language, without sufficient local currency, and not being able to contact my family members—trying to make my way to a place I had never been before.

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As I reflect on that journey, my thoughts continually return to those displaced by war, newly arrived in other countries who are likely feeling scared, confused, and alone, just as I was. I’m reminded how important it is to find things in our own experiences that can help us to connect—emotionally, viscerally—to the challenges and hardships of those whose lives are very different from our own.

With a Perspective, I’m Cathy Gabor.

Cathy Gabor lives in Pleasanton and works in higher ed in San Francisco.

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