Marilyn Englander: Food Diplomacy

As she begins preparing her New Year’s resolution, Marilyn Englander dives into how to plan a menu for a holiday party.

Are you gluten intolerant? Lactose intolerant? Vegan? Vegetarian?
Or maybe just plain old dieting, watching calories or easing up on drinking?

For someone throwing a party, there are so many barriers to navigate when planning a menu for a holiday gathering.

I nearly crashed off course as a guest during Thanksgiving week, whining about my dietary needs. So I’m looking at new personal guidelines as I head into the full fray of eating festivities. It’s never too late to practice a little food diplomacy.

Step one. I reflect a moment. The host has not included me because I need nourishment, but to share camaraderie and good times with others. As a good guest, I should be counted on to demonstrate gratitude and good cheer in return for my host’s generosity, not to nitpick about what’s on my plate.

Step two. I try to keep in mind that it’s not my host’s job to manage my food exclusions. After all, a party is not all about the food. I’ve been invited to help the party be… a party! If I simply weigh potential indigestion against the social fallout of demanding a customized menu — it’s an easy calculation. I can, in the holiday spirit, stop quibbling with hospitality and manage without fuss.

Finally, I can use sleight of hand, deftly moving food around on my plate if I shouldn’t eat it. I can praise the other dishes. I can even fake being absolutely stuffed, though it may mean having to say I’ve got no room for dessert. Or that old trick of pouring my drink into a potted plant.

Increasingly, people are insistent about their food exclusions. But with the exception of true medical necessities, that should not be a host’s burden.

As I begin drafting my New Year’s resolution, to be a food diplomat, I want to appreciate anyone who’s intrepid enough to entertain during the holidays. I’ll just snack beforehand and be the life of the party.

With a Perspective, this is Marilyn Englander.

Marilyn Englander conducts cultural guided tours and works as a food bank volunteer in Marin County.