There Is Crying in Baseball: Why It's OK to Grieve the Oakland A’s

With the Oakland A’s just weeks away from permanently leaving the Bay Area, fans of the ballclub — including myself — have been feeling a range of emotions, to say the least.

The A’s ownership announced in April 2023 that the team planned to develop a stadium in Las Vegas in time for the 2028 season and move out of Oakland. Since then, fans of many different depths of devotion have experienced anger, grief, disbelief and sadness.

And while many fans thought they had a few years to process the news and prepare mentally for the move, the team’s last season in Oakland is now upon us. As various proposals to keep the team in Oakland for longer failed, the team’s current plan is to play temporarily in West Sacramento before heading to Vegas after 57 years in the Town. The A’s last game in Oakland is Sept. 26.

So, with just six more A’s games left to be played at Oakland Coliseum, what’s a fan to do? Or if you’re a friend or family member of a fan going through it, how can you be supportive in this moment?

We spoke with experts in grief, psychology and sports fandom to explore how and why fans might be hurting. Keep reading for tips about how you might consider processing the waves of feelings resulting from the reality of the team pulling up stakes.

Acknowledge — don’t discount — your feelings

First thing first: A’s fans should acknowledge their feelings as honestly as possible, without judging themselves for feeling the way they do.

That’s because a team and a sport can become embedded in your identity — and serve as a major part of your mental well-being.

“Sport matters to people as fans in deep, important and profound ways,” said Daniel Wann, a psychology professor at Murray State University in Kentucky, who studies the psychology of sports fandom. “It helps meet basic psychological needs.”

For A’s fans, Wann said, the team can help them meet “the need to belong, the need for distinctness, the search for meaning in life.”

The feelings are only intensified when fans put years, decades or even generations into supporting their team, which becomes woven into the fabric of their lives where it’s often associated with family members and friend circles. Teams and players also cultivate relationships with fans and the local community in person and on social media, helping to establish deeper connections.

“And when the team goes, it’s like you’ve lost a loved one,” Wann said. “A part of their identity — an important, central, critical part of their identity — is ripped away.”

“That is a loss, plain and simple. It is a psychological loss.”

Wendy Rolón, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in grief counseling based in Oakland, says fans should know that feeling sad about the team leaving is normal.

“I think grief is definitely the right word,” Rolón said. “It’s not bereavement — that’s more explicit. But I consider grief to be about loss.”

“It doesn’t have to be about a death,” she said. “It’s not something to be pushed away. It’s not something to be avoided.”

Watch out for other feelings of loss welling up, and understand the importance of the A’s to you

“Be prepared for it to matter to you — maybe even more than you thought,” Wann said.

Some fans underestimate the depth of their feelings — and therefore the depth of their loss — and that can catch people by surprise. The grief you feel is the result of important things being taken away from you.

“And it’s OK because you’re not alone,” Wann said. “There are a lot of other fans who probably feel that way as well.”

Rolón says that other grief from past losses can surface whenever a new loss occurs, even if it seems unrelated. For A’s fans, especially those whose fandom is wrapped up in family history or lore, the loss of the team might spur older feelings of loss of another person or past relationship.

“And you feel like, ‘Am I losing my mind? I thought I was getting over that. And now, all of a sudden, I’m back thinking about my grandpa,’ she said. “So it’s all connected.”

Don’t let others tell you how to feel about the A’s

Everyone is at a different place regarding continuing their relationship with the A’s, and those feelings are rarely neat and tidy.

Some fans have long ago sworn off attending more A’s games at the Coliseum and plan to sever their fandom after the team moves out of town. Others will continue to follow the team loyally, like some Raiders fans, while many others may remain undecided for a time on whether to continue supporting or take a more nuanced approach.

It’s important to remember your personal coping strategy may be different than someone else’s, so don’t judge others and don’t let others tell you how you should feel in the wake of the loss — according to Lisa Bonta Sumii, a licensed clinical social worker and mental performance coach for the Oakland Roots SC.

“Grief goes up and down. There are so many levels of what grief can be: Denial, anger, depression, acceptance,” she said.

“We go around and back and through, and it’s a circular process not to be judged as right or wrong, but it’s your own. It’s your own process.”

Consider marking the end with a ritual

Bonta Sumii says it’s easier for people to process a loss if we mark it with a ritual of some kind, akin to a funeral or celebration of life services for a person who has died.

“It could be a watch party, a block party or tailgating,” Bonta Sumii said. Creating a commemorative event, such as putting together a remembrance slideshow of the best A’s moments for you, your friends, family and neighbors can be cathartic and helpful. For example, an A’s fan group, Last Dive Bar, is hosting a “wake” for the team at Line 51 Brewing Company in Oakland after the last home game of the year on Sept. 26.

Instead of solely focusing on the loss at hand, reminisce about the good memories the team has brought you and your circles — as well as what it’s brought the city of Oakland and the Bay Area.

Use the moment as an opportunity to talk about loss in your family or friends group

Rolón says fans might be feeling like the A’s have a “terminal diagnosis” because of the amount of time they’ve had to see the end coming. And while it is sad, this situation offers a chance to reduce the taboo around feeling sad or dealing with loss openly in families and friend groups.

“Life is change, and it’s filled with saying goodbye to things all the time — all these little griefs that are the real throughline of our existence,” she said.

Instead of trying to forget or shut out an important part of your life, you can turn the loss into a teachable moment. “Things aren’t permanent. We are not permanent. This is all kind of passing by,” Rolón said.

“So how do we honor the stuff that we love after we’ve lost it?” she asked. “How do we stick together and have it be OK to talk about stuff?”’

Similar to how some cultures honor their dead loved ones with rituals annually, A’s fans could choose to have regular celebrations of their former home team, Rolón said.

Bonta Sumii says while these kinds of celebrations or rituals can be group gatherings, like barbecues and get-togethers with other fans and family, they can also be private — like scrapbooking or journaling about your thoughts related to the team.

Consider new avenues for your fandom

The experts we spoke with say while you cannot replace the A’s, you can find new ways to channel the energy, love and passion you had for the team into other activities and reestablish feelings of belonging, emotional well-being and connection to others.

Because people’s reasons for becoming and staying a fan of a team are unique, there will be a variety of different ways for fans to try and capture similar feelings in other ways — and in different locations:

• If you want to continue following baseball or other sports locally, you could find a new team to support, like the Oakland Ballers or the Oakland Roots or collegiate baseball teams around the Bay Area.
• Fans who are able could join a recreational baseball or softball team in their area or start a new team with their friends and family.
• Bonta Sumii says other good options include coaching a sport, like a youth baseball team or volunteering to support young athletes coming up in the Bay Area.

“When someone’s spouse leaves them, the most frequent thought is, ‘No one will ever love me again, and I will never love again.’ And it is amazing how many people get loved again and love again,” Wann said.

“So I would just tell A’s fans: you’re probably going to have to have a mourning period,” Wann said. “You don’t want to jump on the rebound team, but something will replace that. Something will fill that void. Maybe not completely and maybe not in the same way.”

Know that professional help is available — if you need it

If some of these coping strategies and ideas for other activities aren’t enough to help you feel more at peace, you can seek out professional help if you think you need it.

Rolón says if you are having “ruminating thoughts,” or if you feel like you’re flooded with anger all the time, are getting insomnia, lose your appetite or arguing with a spouse or family member often, those could be cues that you should talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you manage these reactions.

Bonta Sumii said while feeling a range of emotions is normal, if you are talking negatively frequently or using drugs or alcohol to numb your feelings, you should consider seeking professional advice. See KQED’s 2020 list of affordable, culturally competent therapy options in the Bay Area.

You can also call or text 988, the free 24/7 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, if you are experiencing a mental health crisis or emotional distress.