Miriam Warren: The Fun of Floundering

In a success driven world the fear of failure is a constant. But what if we’ve been looking at it the wrong way? Miriam Warren shares her thoughts on why it’s okay to be terrible at something.

Shortly before my 41st birthday, I decided I wanted to learn how to play tennis. I had never been on a court in my life, my hand-eye coordination was laughably bad, and it had been decades since I’d played any kind of organized sport.

I started practicing regularly with my friend Mariko who possesses more patience than most. And while I wish I could report that I’m crushing it on the court, the reality is that I still struggle mightily to get the ball over the net.

But I’m thrilled when I do.

Why try something I likely wasn’t going to win at? For one thing, I was inspired by the more mature players I saw on the court using the sport to stay social and active. Tennis legend Billie Jean King once said that “tennis is a sport for a lifetime,” and I appreciated that she didn’t mean it figuratively.

Science also tells us that learning a new skill can help stimulate the brain and create new neural pathways. It can improve cognitive function and reduce the risk of age-related cognitive decline.

But conventional explanations aside, there’s something strangely liberating about being a complete and utter novice as an adult. Think about all of the other areas of your life where you’re expected to be an expert: at work, as a parent, in your relationships. The stakes feel high and mistakes can be costly. It’s stressful to be an expert, and perhaps even more so to pretend you’re one.

There’s nothing like the feeling of swinging and missing… and not having it matter. We’re all quick to tell our kids that it’s ok to fail, but we don’t do a great job of modeling that behavior ourselves.

So, adults and kids alike: it’s never too late to be really bad at something and enjoy the heck out of it. Burn that first batch of brownies, blow your lines in a drama class, build a lopsided table. Whatever it is. Go grab your racquet, find your court, and do your best to make better contact with the ball than me.

With a perspective I’m Miriam Warren.

Miriam Warren lives with her family in the East Bay.