When her son gets engaged, Vicki Larson shares her thoughts on reimagining marriage.
My older son just proposed to his girlfriend. They already own a home together and have two dogs. Of course, she said yes. And I’m excited for them — he and I even looked at engagement rings together a few months ago.
Yet as a woman who has been married and divorced twice—a starter marriage when I was wasn’t even 21 years old and one that lasted 15 years and brought me two wonderful sons—I have some questions about the institution. I’ve also written about alternative ways to live and love for the past two decades, including a book on reimagining marriage.
The US bestows more than 1,000 perks and protections on married couples, and that’s just at the federal level; many states do as well. Why do we privilege people based on their love life? Why should people like me who don’t have a spouse — or don’t want one — have to pay more than those who do or lose out on certain protections? If marriage matters so much, why did the government prevent same-sex and interracial couples from marrying for so long, and still punish disabled people who rely on disability benefits if they do?
Instead, I propose that we privilege and protect people who care-give, which all of us will do and need at various times in our lives, instead.