Vicki Larson shares her concerns about stepping into her new role as a mother-in-law.
I have been called many things in my 68 years — daughter, sister, girlfriend, journalist, wife, mother, author, dog mom — and in a few months I will have a new name, one that is fraught with complications: mother-in-law.
We’ve all heard mother-in-law jokes. We know how society and media paint the mother of the bride or groom. They’re overbearing, obnoxious, intrusive, mean. Who doesn’t remember Jane Fonda in the 2005 film “Monster-in-Law”? Fathers-in-law are portrayed as much kinder. I am not naturally overbearing, obnoxious, intrusive, or mean, however. Must that be my destiny just because my son is tying the knot? I’ve had two mothers-in-law, so I know a bit about them.
I loved my first. She was funny, quick to laugh and attractive with her bleached blonde hair and bright red lipstick, a woman who ran away in her teens to join the circus and ride the elephants. My second was a complicated woman who was not warm to me for a long time — she was close to my husband’s prior girlfriend and never missed a chance to bring up her name in the first few years. But I accepted her as she was. She also was not the reason her son and I divorced.
I’ve been reading studies to learn more about my new role. Having a good relationship with your in-laws, particularly the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship, directly impacts your child’s marital happiness and how close you’ll be to any grandchildren. In other words, it matters a lot.