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Coming Out While Staying In: Dealing With Homophobia At Home

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June is Pride month and COVID-19 has altered the ways the LGBTQ can celebrate together. For many, the uprisings have been a reminder that Pride started as a riot and that Black Lives Matter includes Black trans, queer, non-binary and gender-nonconforming people. In this week’s episode, host Tonya Mosley is joined by Steven Canals, the co-creator and executive producer of the FX television show “Pose” to answer this listener question:

Hey, Truth Be Told, I’m actually the president of the LGBT POC organization here at Michigan State. I did come out to my mom. I feel like every time we have the conversations, I’m coming out again. But the issue that I’ve been dealing with is not blatant homophobia, where she’s just like calling me names like dyke or faggot or something like that. It’s more of a you know, “You think that girl is pretty?” It’s that stereotype or you know, “are you looking at the girls in the locker room?” or “let me not change in here because, you know, women like women these days.” And I’m just like, what are you talking about?

And I’m going back and forth like explaining to my mom because we have a rough relationship already that this is not like a choice. I need her to know that this is something I’ve been feeling since I was small. So how could it possibly have been a choice? Because I feel like she thinks I’m choosing to like women or I’m choosing to go against the heterosexual norm. But that’s not true. So I’m just like, how do I say something in a respectful way, but also in a way that’s kind of aggressive. Like you can’t say things like that to me and expect me to still be around and be respectful towards you because you’re constantly disrespecting me. It’s hard.

There’s a don’t ask, don’t tell policy in the house. So we kind of just don’t touch on it at all.

– Disrespected in Detroit

Before television, Canals worked for almost a decade in higher education as a college administrator so he is more than familiar with the complicated relationships young LGBTQ people have with their families. His immediate advice is to search for a PFLAG chapter — parents, families and friends of the Lesbian, Gay and Bi, Trans and Queer community. “It sounds like Mom just needs to talk to other parents,” said Canals. “Hopefully having a conversation with other parents of LGBTQ children will aid in her having someone to talk to about whatever her fears may be and recognizing that her daughter can absolutely have a full life.”

Canals says too often members of marginalized groups put in a teaching position. “My attitude is, you have to self-educate. It is not the responsibility of your daughter or us within the community to teach you,” Canal says. “I would hope that her mother would at some point say to herself, you know, I have a daughter who is a member of the LGBTQ+ community and I now need to go out and find all the resources so that I can be a better parent to my daughter.”

As the global pandemic continues and shelter-in-place restrictions remain, Canals suggests connecting virtually with chosen family, people that support and not harm you and are not blood family. Although not ideal, Canals believes it is a way for our question-asker to continue being their full authentic self. In the same vein, Canals recommends upholding boundaries to create space for self-love and to prevent retraumatization. “If that means they are sharing the same space, but aren’t necessarily sharing words, then so be it,” said Canals. “This expectation that we are going to continue to put ourselves in the position of being the teacher and then being hurt… I just don’t subscribe to that.”

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Canals said before you engage in this conversation, reflect on the lessons your parents gave you and use them to remind your parents how much of them lives in you.

Communicate to your mom that this isn’t about being disrespectful to her or disrespecting the fact that you’re living under her roof, but that you are being respectful of yourself. Turn it around and talk about the tools and the teachings that you received from your parent. Those were conversations that I had with my parent when I came out. There is a way that you taught me to be. I understand that me speaking your truth right now may be hurtful to you, but you are the ones who parent me and gave me the lesson that it is important to always speak my truth and to walk in it so that’s what I am doing. And that is hurtful or problematic for you — that’s on you. You have to deal with that. But I’m not going to dim my own shine, and I’m certainly not going to [not] speak my truth because you have a problem with it.

The coronavirus has left Disrespected in Detroit unemployed, unable to start her post-college career and dependent on her mother for basic necessities. Canals recommends establishing financial independence but recognizes that it is even tougher to do right now. In order to survive the day-to-day, he says “as soul-crushing as it is, not engaging in conversations with your family around your identity may just have to be a part of what you do to survive.”

In the future, it may be important to ask your family, “how well do you really want to know me?” said Canals. “Because there is a whole part of my life that you’re asking for me to hide.” The answer to this question can be heartbreaking but Canals is an optimist: “Let’s just hope that even if it isn’t now, that at some point in the near future, that they will come around and they will say, ‘Listen, I made a mistake. I do want to know you. I want to know who you are. I want to be a part of your life.’”

“Pose” is now streaming on Netflix and Canals hopes it serves as a reprieve from everything that’s happening to celebrate family, love and community.

Episode transcript can be found here.

Episode Guests:
Steven Canals, screenwriter, producer, co-creator and executive-producer of FX television show Pose.

Recommended Articles:
Black Trans Protesters Are Marching for a Police Killing That Cis People Aren’t Talking About: Tony McDade by Tomas Navia and Sam Donnenberg
Pride Is and Always Was About Rebellion, This Year More Than Ever by George M. Thompson
A Group of Men Attacked Iyanna Dior, a Black Trans Woman, in Minneapolis from Wren Sanders
LGBTQ activists in NYC, LA reimagine pride marches as solidarity protests from Tim Fitzsimons
How We Can End the Violence Against Trans Women of Color by Raquel Willis

Recommended Books:
Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin
ZAMI: A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lorde
Black Like Us: A Century of Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual African American Fiction by Devon W. Carbado, Dwight McBride
Build Yourself A Boat by Camonghne Felix
The Marked Ones: Uprising by TreVaughn Malik Roach-Carter
The Stars and The Blackness Between Them by Junauda Petrus
A Dream So Dark by LL McKinney
By Any Means Necessary by Candice Montgomery
Hood Witch by Faylita Hicks
Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett
Some of Us Did Not Die by June Jordan
Where to Start with Octavia Butler
Red Dirt Revival by Tim’m West
Redefining Realness by Janet Mock
How We Fight for Our Lives by Saeed Jones
Beyond the Gender Binary by Alok Vaid-Menon
There Will Be No Miracles Here by Casey Gerald
Don’t Call Us Dead by Danez Smith
No Ashes in the Fire: Coming of Age Black and Free in America by Darnell L. Moore
Roxane Gay
All Boys Aren’t Blue by George M. Johnson

Recommended for Parents:
PFLAG – The first and largest organization for LGBTQ+ people, their parents and families, and allies.
For The Bible Tells Me So film
The Trevor Project
Lambda Legal
The Family Partnership
20 Books for Parents of LGBT Kids by Book Riot

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PRIDE Events:
10 Pride events you can attend from home from Washington Post
Global Pride – virtual, Saturday, June 27
New York City – virtual, Sunday, June 14 to Sunday, June 28
San Francisco – virtual, Saturday, June 27 and Sunday, June 28
Boston – virtual, starting Friday, June 19
Portland – virtual, starting Saturday, June 13
Cincinnati Black Pride – virtual, Thursday, June 25 to Sunday, June 28
Toronto’s Stay Home Saturdays – virtual, every week starting Saturday, June 6
Pride 2020 Drag Fest – virtual, Friday, June 19 to Sunday, June 21
LGBTQ Digtial PRIDE And Migration 2020 – virtual, Sunday June 21

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