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No More Shame

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Here’s a truth: All of us know someone with mental illness, or experience it ourselves. Yet, the stigma remains.

This week’s question comes from Bri, a recent college graduate living with bipolar disorder and looking for a job. Host Tonya Mosley is joined by Wise One and New York Times Bestselling author Bassey Ikpi. In her memoir “I’m Telling the Truth But I’m Lying,” Ikpi explores her life — as a Nigerian American immigrant, a Black woman, a slam poet, a mother, a daughter, an artist — through the lens of her mental health and diagnosis of bipolar II and anxiety.

The highs that came with her professional success were manic. And the lows, they were the can’t-get-out-of-bed, barely-able-to-walk-to-the-bathroom kind of lows. At 27-years-old, Bassey finally had a name for this thing that had ruled her life for years: bipolar II disorder.

 

“It feels amazing and exhilarating and you feel powerful, like the most amazing person in the entire world. And that’s a good feeling. But once you stay up there, it gets frightening because there is no down. And it feels like there’s no ground beneath your feet. It is shocking because you’re supposed to feel the ground. It also triggers paranoia and insomnia. People don’t realize how physically uncomfortable it is. There’s a physical discomfort that comes with it. That is what I was hoping to describe in the book…”

Alongside her memoir, she founded The Siwe Project, a nonprofit that promotes mental health awareness throughout the global Black community. This made Ikpi the perfect Wise One to offer our listener Bri advice on her situation:

“So looking for jobs has been like really hard just because it’s still COVID and like, I don’t really have like an essential degree, I guess? My degree is in English and creative writing. And whenever I get to the ‘Do you have a disability?’ part, I see like all the bullet points; I’m just like…I mean, if you want to be technical, yes. But I always put no. As much as people like to say they’re not going to discriminate against you, they definitely will if they feel like it. I just don’t think people would take it seriously. I think people would look at me differently and treat me oddly. And I notice that whenever a job application is like, ‘Can you do this without reasonable accommodations?’ I’m just like the accommodation someone would need who, you know, wasn’t physically able and versus where I would need are completely different. So for me to just mark ‘no, I can’t do this without reasonable accommodations,’ it’s weird because my accommodations don’t look the same and I think that’s very vague of them to ask people.

My question is, how do I, as a graduate who is looking for jobs, navigate my disability and work?”

Ikpi herself does not check the disability box. “As much as I would love a world where mental illness was treated the exact same way as a physical disability, it’s not,” she says. “And it’s very easy for people to be dismissive of it.” Despite people’s best intentions, there is a bias.

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But Ikpi’s first piece of advice is to get the help of a medical professional. That’s because coping mechanisms function more like crutches that can fall apart because of how unpredictable the illness can be. “You could be fine for five, six, seven years and then just one morning, you’re not,” Ikpi says. She recommends investing time in finding a therapist who works for you.

“A therapist friend says it’s like finding a hairdresser or a barber,” Ikpi says. “You have to keep trying to find the right one, but if you need to get your hair done today then find someone who can help today. There are certain things like emergency situations where you just need to talk to somebody when you’re either a danger to yourself or others. And, you need to talk. The therapist you see may not be the right one, but you’re not married to them.”

Finding a trusted medical professional would also illuminate what your needs are so you can then communicate to the employer. Or use these new insights in your assessment of the job being a good fit.

“I understand that feeling useful and productive right now feels like what we need to be doing. If it is possible for you to take a step back and not put so much pressure on yourself to get a job because you graduated, or to get a job because someone is telling you to, then take that step back because there’s nothing that’s more important than you and your mental health.”

Ikpi’s final words to Bri: “I think that especially Black women, we get so into this excellence. I tell people all the time, I am fine with Black mediocrity. Black excellence is exhausting. And it is a lot to live up to. So if you’re Black average, fantastic! Let’s do that, too. Let’s celebrate that. Take your time. If you just graduated college, you have time, Sis. I promise you.”

Episode transcript can be found here.

Episode Guests:
Bassey Ikpi, NYT bestselling author for “I’m Telling the Truth But I’m Lying” and founder of The Siwe Project.

Recommended Reading:
I’m Telling the Truth But I’m Lying” by Bassey Ikpi
Heart Berries” by Terese Marie Mailhot
The Collected Schizophrenias: Essays” by Esmé Weijun Wang
Willow Weep for Me: A Black Woman’s Journey Through Depression” by Meri Nana-Ama Danquah
Dear Friend, from My Life I Write to You in Your Life” by Yiyun Li
My Body Is a Book of Rules” by Elissa Washuta
The Body Papers” by Grace Talusan
I’ve never been (Un)happier” by Shaheen Bhatt
12 Women Of Color & Native Women Writers Share Why They Write About Mental Illness by Patrice Caldwell

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Recommended Listening:
Session 92: Life With A Bipolar Disorder” from “Therapy for Black Girls”
Of Bipolar and Black Identity” podcast
Black and Bipolar in Quarantine” from “Black and Bipolar” podcast
Episode 9: Bassey Ikpi Didn’t Enter the World Broken” From “Come Through with Rebecca Carroll”
Dr. Ericka Goodwin: Non-Medication Treatments And Choosing And Evaluating Providers Part. 1 and Part 2” from “Ourselves Black” podcast

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