It can be tough to be authentic as a teen navigating social hierarchies, but Arya Konanur says it’s worth the effort.
One day, I was texting my friend, who is one of the most popular girls in school. We were talking about the image that she had cultivated. She told me that as you go up the social hierarchy, you start to say things you don’t really mean. You do things you don’t really want to do. Like they’re not all “mean” or “bad,” but they’re certainly not what you would naturally do. She told me that on your way to popularity, you end up surrounding yourself with friends who don’t like you for who you are, but for what you show them. This got me thinking about how teenagers project their image in school to secure their place in the social pyramid, how far they would go to maintain it and how painfully easy it is to cave into pressure.
A lot of us teens know what it feels like to be a new kid at a school. You have a clean slate, and you’re anxious to establish who you’re going to be, who you’re going to be friends with, who you’re going to sit with at lunch, and most importantly, what your position will be in the social system. We all want to be popular; we want everyone to like us. But in pursuit of it, some people consciously or subconsciously mold and morph themselves to fit in. When we finally “arrive,” we may be a completely different person.
We will have friends who see you as someone you really aren’t. That’s when we need to decide, do we stay that way or try to be authentic to find peace within ourselves? The temptation to change yourself into that character you project, to make that person into a reality is real. Now I’m not saying it is easy to be completely authentic, because it’s human tendency to adapt. But you always have a choice – you can be like those school bullies you see on TV shows, getting high fives in the hallway for every insult they throw at someone, or form authentic friendships with those who see you as you are. Honestly, I get it. It’s tough. But it’s never worth trading your authentic self for a Mr. or Ms. Popular title.
As someone who has once tried to constantly change himself to fit in, I find that my life has evolved for the better by staying true to myself.