Paula Reinman: Goldilocks of Dresses

We’re in the thick of wedding season, and finding the perfect outfit is on many people’s to-do lists. Paula Reinman has these thoughts about the idea of a “perfect outfit.”

My husband and I were thrilled when our daughter and her wonderful boyfriend called us to say that they were engaged to be married and were planning a wedding in the summer of this year. I never dreamed that the hardest part of wedding prep for me would be finding the perfect mother of the bride dress.

This is the Goldilocks of dresses. It has to be elegant, but not too flashy. Fit perfectly, but not be too revealing. Be comfortable, but not too casual.

I’m fortunate that my daughter told me to just find something I like. It could be any color, any length, anything I want. With that freedom came a Pandora’s box of choices.

We live in a world of online shopping. While a store may have a handful of options, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of choices online. I became a pro at the filters – size, occasion, length, neckline, color – and about 25 others.

Of course, these dresses are all being worn by a 5’10” model in a size two. No wonder that when I tried each one on, it was the perfect collision of expectations and reality between what I wanted to look like, what I thought I should look like, and what I actually did look like.

As a result, I’ve bought and returned close to 20 dresses. So many, in fact, that I had to make a spreadsheet to track my refunds as money disappeared into the ether. Like many women I know, I am incredibly hard on myself about how I look. Everything that’s less than model-perfect in my posture and shape is magnified in the mirror.

When my kids were in high school and were anxious over what others thought of them, I told them that, contrary to what they believed, they were not the center of everyone else’s universe. Though it did not work that well with my kids, I try telling the same thing to my mother of the bride self. It did not work there either. I did find the perfect dress, and of course, once the wedding festivities began, I didn’t think for a moment about what I was wearing. Hopefully I’ll be able to remember this the next time a big event rolls around.

With a Perspective, I’m Paula Reinman.

Paula Reinman is a strategy and marketing consultant specializing in tech for good.