Jenny Fan Raj: Tough Conversations at the Table

Thanksgiving is coming up, and like many of you, our one family rule (other than making sure we have enough jellied cranberry sauce) is no politics allowed at the table.

This year however, will be different. I am hosting and politics will be on the menu. Though we live in California, our family holds a variety of perspectives. We’ve circumvented many issues, from vaccines to gun control to elections, by making them off limits.

After all, family is more important than being right. And I still believe that. But lately, it feels like by keeping the peace, we’ve actually drifted farther apart. I wonder, what are we modeling for our children when we show them that we cannot be our authentic selves in front of the ones we love?

And just as importantly, is avoidance actually contributing to our growing impasse?

Our country has just experienced another election that has divided us. This is despite the fact that most of us actually share the same fundamental goal: To create a better future, for ourselves and for our children.

My kids, now 15 and 16, have never lived in a time when this was easily seen. They believe that the divide is impossible to bridge, and that their country is hopelessly broken.

It certainly feels that way to adults too. But what I’m beginning to realize is that in order to untangle this mess, we need to start with each other.

We need to dive into uncomfortable conversations with empathy and vulnerability. By hearing instead of solutioning. By not trying to be right.

Maybe by doing so, we can find our way back together again, as families, and as a nation. So this Thanksgiving, I’m going to ask our guests to take a chance on one another.

To model civil discourse for our children, so that the next generation can grow up knowing it IS possible to disagree respectfully and work together towards a compromise that allows all sides to move forward.

With a Perspective, I’m Jenny Fan Raj.